twosmallmonsters

i am usually content: i like quietly lounging with jamine, the bunny, or danny. i adore spending hours at target with melissa or candace. i am in love with everyone around me: i post their pictures everywhere. but sometimes i get so down & i lose a little bit of myself for a short time. i lose a little bit of reality and i revel in its selfishness. argh, i hate being there. & sometimes i search for something that will make me just a little more sad and a little more angry. i think i am looking for rock bottom. something to land my feet on and then push uP. something to get me happier quicker but i am only taking the long route home. and i found it- my false rock bottom (i was barely past the tide). and i wonder why i do this to myself. small bits of emotional self mutilation. "stop it," ben whispers from under the covers. i temporarily stop chewing out the entirity of my cheek. "stop it" i see when i scroll through my monsters: each and every face i love so much staring back at me from the screen. melissa is dragging me out regardless of my phlegem. i have wanted to hide and burrow beneath my covers since 6:12 this morning. "as long as we dont share anything i touch. and that i am back before nine," i warn her and i hear her smile. i am out, i think. i am back to content. but that is to still say that my website is better than yours.