In December I had two beautiful groups of people fall into my life: a group of three other women to study Christian theological books with every Thursday night and a group of five women who gather monthly to support each other through the challenges that marriage brings to the table. What I love about each group is the openness and laughter that meets me time and time again. I'm not sure what feels best: gut busting laughter or feeling understood when you thought no one would dare understand. It has been, at the risk of sounding cheesy, a blessing.
A few of us wind up spending some time after our group meeting at a beautiful and slightly swanky bar that my sister-in-law works at. We learned that she is the best dirty martini maker in the world. Period. And once a month on a Wednesday night, I stay out with these women until almost midnight sharing stories and theories about love and the occasional pain that accompanies love and then love again. And even when I am being dropped off by a most lovely woman, we are still sharing and encouraging and spilling to the point where we sit in my driveway for another five minutes talking. It has been so good.
What is so amazing (I really cannot emphasize how I really super duper mean "amazing". Like, literal definition of) is how we evolve as women and how marriage and friendships evolve (or not). Moreover, how we evolve spiritually, physically, and emotionally into an almost separate being- a new little spawn of what was once 2008 Jenny is now 2009 Jenny and she is at such a different place (although she still finds youtube videos of the muppets incredibly amusing. Some things really don't change.)
One thing I learned that is so valuable is knowing that I am not the only one who has ever crawled through a cave of alone-ness and confusion while questioning every decision I've ever made in my life (see any blog from last year. Yipes!) The cave was so dark and I so engrossed with self absorbed saddness that I didn't notice a million other people schlepping with me through troubled times. It was last night that I realized I was now someone standing at the edge of the cave- only I was in the sunlight now and my feet were warm and dry. I was able to pick up a megaphone and shout into the cave to others just entering or still schlepping that it might be really really tough right now but there was an end with sunshine and a great view. And I will shout until I lose my voice for you. I will tell you everything will be alright even when you wont believe one ounce of it. Because I didn't believe it either but eventually, I was proved wrong. I'm so glad I was proved wrong.
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