Fear of flying

I do not like to fly. Defying gravity does not liberate me. As much as I love looking down on our little world and pinpointing exactly where my truck is parked in relation to this new city (Oh! Oh! There it is right there!), I keep my eye on earth feeling comfort only in the fact that it is staying away from me. Staying thousands of feet away from the airplane until it is our time to land- properly & safely.

"It's a control thing," Mr Connell explained Saturday night. There is nothing that the average person can contribute to the success or failure of an airplane's performance. Literally we are in someone else's hands entirely. I have to ask myself whose hands are those? Julie, my older step sister, has a fear of flying that is one thousand times more rooted than mine. She refuses to take any anti-anxiety or "chill out pills" before her flight so that she can "be able to think clearly and react to an emergency situation". Her current coping strategy is to help the stewards pass out drinks on the plane and push the cart up and down the isle.

As I mentioned, my fear is a little more managable. I find myself a little closer to God during these trips and I dont think it is quite the result of high altitude. Perhaps it's the hour long conversation I have with God while the plane shakes and rumbles. I am praying as I skeptically calculate if the plane is slowly plumating or if it is just my imagination. Through these Minneapolis-Chicago "short flights" (aka the longest hour of my life) I achieve some really good thoughts, personal insight, and questions. I will be flying home a lot more in the next two years and maybe through these flights I will be able to give up that just that much control and have faith in United Airlines. More importantly have faith in the ultimate and final pilot. I believe so many other people confront their inner thoughts and personal questions through flight. There is something universal that makes everyone around me put down their books and newspapers as the plane turns it's final corner on the runway and then jets off. The initial sensation of leaving the ground makes us all think- even if just for one minute.