twosmallmonsters

"I thought he was kidding. Everytime I visited the Doctor he would always ask "Have you lost all your friends yet?" And I learned it was true. When you get a disability- especially if it is chronic- you can really lose all your friends. I don't really know why. I feel like I've stayed the same person but suddenly you find yourself more alone," Judy told me.

I have been thinking about friends and relationships since this conversation I've had with my employer Judy (name changed). I am only now understanding the beauty and heartbreak of fluidity as we move from contextual relationship to relationship. I often think to myself how strange it would be to suddenly be tossed back into the highschool environment- seeing those people every day again. These high school friends are the people that today I try to carve out one night per month on the phone with. To see them every day would be ecstacy and a exciting. The same with my college friends- to laugh with Stefanie, Elizabeth, or Candace was a daily occurance until we both moved in different directions. Now I am thrilled to hold a conversation on the phone- just as hilarious & meaningful- but so different still. But as we move from place to place, situation to situation, people move through our lives like rivers- we are always butting up against someone new with different possibilities. If only I could go back upstairs in stocking and knock on Elizabeth's door again... If only I could eat lunch and talk about what is in the Science Times with John again... If only I could order a late night cheesesticks pizza with Stefanie tonight... It is the casualty of the seen-every-day friend that, in my opinion, is the excitement & comfortable joy of a forming a friendship. It is the maintenance and struggle to keep that friend once your lives have departed that is the enduring beauty of the relationship.

When I first left home for Purdue I remember looking for someone just like my best friends Melissa and Megan. I did not understand the variety of people that my life would offer and did not know how to find these people so various and diverse. Now, three different colleges and one full time job later, I can recognize a friendly and inspirational spirit from great distances. I have been so incredibly blessed and lucky to know the people I have known. Without them, I would not be me. Realizing that I will most likely not live in Minnesota when I graduate is also realizing that I am in a pond of wonderful people I experience every day. One day these every day people will become the occasional letter in the mail, the midweek phone call, and a part of my life that I will treasure unconditionally. The only thing that spares total heartbreak is to know that nothing will ever be able to take away these relations we have and have had.

Lilian, Wayne, Grace, & I went to the Cirque du Soilel Corteo last Thursday. Our faces were sore upon leaving the tent because we held such huge smiles the entire performance. If you get a chance to see this traveling performance, I highly suggest seeing it. It is a gorgeous show.