Knowing yourself

I don't know why I am surprised when I know something about myself. Baked chocolate goods are irresistible, I can't stop from dancing when I hear "Waiting for a Star to Fall", and I want so badly to be able to harmonize in song like an Emily Saliers and Amy Ray. Yada yada yada. I also know that every February, I burrow. Michelle even knows this as she left a message on my answering machine using that exact word. I retreat a little into myself and hibernate for a few weeks before springing ahead through March and April.

This February, however, is a smidge different than the last few. I enter this February with an incredibly contented heart- being happy with exactly where I am. Wow. It's the first time in a long while & it feels like lounging in a perfect pair of old jeans. I feel supported by amazing loved ones and therefore my brain & heart are calm- despite the fact that Ben and I have only $20 between the two of us in our bank account at this very moment with no promise of reprieve until maybe perhaps March. It's been almost fun- Ben and I have spent absolutely no money on anything but food (groceries only!) and gas this month. It has brought us closer as we have been cooking together each night, engaging in long conversations about anything from music, silly stories, & prayer, and coming up with creative things to do for free each evening.

The other thing that I am super excited about is a massive crave for creativity. Elizabeth and I participated in our first writer's workshop since summer and it booted me right to my own computer where I have been writing an hour of fiction each evening. I think about my fictional characters before going to bed, moving them around my imaginary scenery that I have built for them. I reserved a few days off this upcoming February for solitary photo shoots and poetry readings at the Northwestern library. Good things- you know you are good things when life is far from perfect but you still know it is a good thing & you are happy you're here.